Church Geek

So, I've noticed something about myself lately, and I want to know if this is weird.

The past month and a half or so, I've found myself getting rather geekily excited by certain conversations I've been in, and things I've read. Now, I get like that about a fairly good list of things, but it usually revolves around a fictional series--ie, Lost, Heroes, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, etc. I'm used to that. Doesn't phase me anymore.

But my latest "obsession" if you will is not fictional at all. It's very real--and yet I find myself sometimes feeling as disconnected from it as I can about my fictitious obsessions. It's church, and for some reason, that surprises me very much.

I noticed it clearly just the other day--I was reading some reviews of a new book called "Reimagining Church" by Frank Viola. As I read, I caught myself getting absurdly excited--and mind you, this was just from the reviews! It felt like God was nudging me a little, asking me to take notice of my reaction and think about my passion for a moment.

I have this weird love/hate relationship with church. I love what it could and should be; I hate what it often becomes.

I feel frustrated a little by my own recent experience with working for a church--even though some of it was very positive, there was a good chunk of negative, too. And I left this last week's service (my penultimate time leading worship) feeling rather torn. Glad to give up the stress it has caused me, but sad that I won't be part of the new things to come. Ready to move on to where God wants me, but doubting if I was ever good for that service in the first place.

It seems like I've spent the last few months of my life being more jaded than usual toward the church in general, and that's probably understandable, given the battles I faced weekly with my service's leadership. Now, suddenly, I am re-energized. Why?

Perhaps part of it has to do with this blog and our ongoing conversation; I draw strength from knowing I'm not the only one who dreams and hopes for reform. And certainly I've read some encouraging books lately, too. But I think another part of the puzzle was my experience in Ireland.

Talk about jaded--the Irish people on the whole are just not interested in spiritual things today. And I could hear weariness and humble frustration in the voices of the missionaries and Irish church leaders who spoke to us. They feel like growth is slow.

Yet personally, I felt tremendously encouraged by their honesty. Not only that, but the Irish way of evangelism is very much like what George Hunter wrote about--focused on relationships. The Christians I met in Ireland, both American and Irish, are working hard to build relationships in their communities. They are, in fact, looking for creative new ways to engage their communities and fill needs. They are shifting away from trying to draw people in through programs, and they aren't waiting for folks to get their lives together and come to them.

I don't mean to oversimplify this; they have a lot to overcome. There is a residual stigma against "protestants," combined with a distrust of religion in general that stems from years of abuse and power struggles that divided the land. If ever a place was in need of a dose of McLaren's "post-protestant/post-catholic" philosophy, Ireland is it. And...I feel like a lot of leaders are trying to move in that direction, even without having read AGO. They just know it's needed, and it's time.

This is why I felt a pull when I was there. One Irish leader used the phrase, "creating spiritual landscape for people to inhabit." I LOVED that. I was convinced another leader, originally from London, had read AGO, but he cited Dallas Willard instead. And a third, much younger, leader practically quoted from The Celtic Way of Evangelism--though I'm pretty sure he hadn't ever read it.

And I...ate it up. I became a geek. A church geek. And I find myself reinvigorated to discuss and think about church, and what my place in it is. Not church as a set of walls, but church as a community of people, dedicated to changing the world.

Do I sound obsessed, or what??