The Basics, Part II

This second thing that I've been struggling with lately may not seem like some to be one of the "basics". To many people, though, especially circles that I've been a part of, this subject is fundamental at best, and is at least considered to be a subject of common sense, for if you disagree with the status quo, you are certainly a heretic. The subject that I'm referring to is homosexuality. I struggle with what I believe about this controversial subject scientifically, spiritually, practically, and just about every other level imaginable.

Last night was a perfect example of my struggle with the issue. Last night's episode of Family Guy was about the polar extremes of both sides of the fence, mocking both homosexuality and the religious right-wing, fundamental view of it. And it was twisted, disturbing, and I know that I did not fall on either side. I wasn't the "Straight Camp" leader who tried to "cure" the gay people by telling them to beat up a gay man; nor was I Stewie, who represented the Bible toting, gay-hating, religious zealot; nor was I on the side of the overt homosexuals, engaging in an "eleven-man-orgie" and flaunting their sexuality to the disdain of other characters. The entire show was disturbing, and yet in it's cynical little way, made a huge point. Homosexuality is a huge, important issue, and we need to deal with it. We can't turn our face and pretend it doesn't exist; we can't just be ambivalent about it, but falling on either side of the radicals doesn't work either. There has to be a middle ground. There has to be an answer that promotes the love of Jesus and yet remains consistent with absolute Truth. And this is the answer that I'm wrestling with. I just haven't seemed to be able to find that answer yet.

A few months ago, homosexuality was the topic of the Sunday morning lesson that was a part of a series about that three letter word that doesn't seem to be welcome in church these days: Sex. For the first time, I allowed myself to be objective about the matter, opened my closed-minded view to critical examination, and really listened to a different view that I had ever heard expressed by anyone of the Christian faith. I began to allow logic to come into play in my view. I had always firmly believed that no one is born homosexual. But when I began to think logically about it, some questions began to be raised in my own mind. If I was born a heterosexual female, which was determined by the chromosomes and hormones my embryo was exposed to, then wouldn't it logically follow that it would have been possible for my female embryo self to have been exposed to the wrong hormones? Or the wrong amount of certain hormones? The systems of our bodies are so incredibly fragile, albeit incredibly resilient, but also very, very fragile; so of course the possibility is there, right? I mean, every thing else that typically goes the way nature intended, can go wrong. Babies are born with an extra twenty-first chromosome, thus they have down's syndrome. My little cousin was born without the membrane that connects the right and left portion of his brain, thus rendering him an invalid his entire life. He died in his sleep when he was only six. Some babies are born with both male and female sexual organs. We are reminded daily of the curse that we are under. It seems miraculous when things turn out perfectly. And yet, even when we are born with all of our fingers and toes in tact, our days are counting down to the day we will ultimately die. We are dying.

Jesus said, when the crowd was about to stone an adulterous woman, for the person who was without sin to cast the first stone. Why are heterosexuals always off the hook for the sins lurking in their closets? Jesus was pretty radical when he said that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Jesus doesn't care how good we look on the outside. He cares about our hearts. I'll be the first to admit that being heterosexual does not exempt one from sexual sin. I still have to guard my heart on a daily basis. For those of you reading my book, The Untameable Heart of a Dreamer, I will be even more specific about my heart on this issue.

So right now, even though I am still wrestling with the issue, I have definitely moved toward the middle. I have abandoned my fundamentalist view that homosexuality is a sinful choice that people make just to rebell against God. But neither do I feel comfortable accepting a homosexual lifestyle as okay. (Bear with me, I'm still forming my view.) I wonder if people who are legitamately born homosexual are called to be celibate. I mean, the Bible does say that some people are born "eunichs". If I never married or dated or had sex, I would still be heterosexual. One doesn't have to act on an urge to define her sexuality. So I still believe that there is something innately wrong with a man having sex with a man, and a woman having sex with a woman. I believe it just like I believe there is something innately wrong with a man or woman having sex with an animal, an adult having sexual contact with a child, a mother shaking her baby to make it stop crying, robbing a bank teller at gun point, stealing a piece of candy from the grocery store. There are some things that are just innately wrong. They violate human nature, and the acts themselves do something to our souls. It is not something that can be explained by science, or proved in a lab. But a part of our soul gets chipped away if you will, even dies, when we engage in acts that violate human nature. And yet even this point can be argued, for some would say that we are acting in accordance with human nature when we act on our urges. I tend to fall on the side of C. S. Lewis' view in his great work The Abolition of Man. Some things are just beautiful because they are. And if one does not think that they are beautiful, then that person is less human for it. I believe that Ted Bundy, a raving heterosexual, was nothing short of a beast. Somehow, over years and years of desensitizing his own heart, mysteriously succeeded in the abolition of his own soul. I'm still not even sure how I feel about his "conversion" that supposedly happened right before his execution. You can view his interview with Dobson as the lights flicker in the background, a foreshadowing of his impending execution as the electric chair is being tested in another room. Only God knows where he stands.

The point is, acts of homosexuality are not the only sexual "sins" we should be focused on. We should be focused on the heart, first and foremost, of every individual. And everyone, regardless of sexuality, should feel welcome in Christian communities to express his or her struggles. And truth be told, I can't judge any homosexual, I've got no stones to throw.